I am a Montreal Canadiens fan.
I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this before, but as a Habs fan from over the ocean I have A) no right to be a fan unless I admit I'm "just a trophy fan", and B) not a real fan unless I can speak Quebec French.
Well. I say this to you: Pierre. Donnez-moi un Coupe Stanley, maintenant, s'il vous plait. Qu'est qu'il y a dans la panier? Ou est la piscine, pour quoi? La bain est un lapin, et ma soeur cherche la chemise sur la cheval. Qu'est ce que c'est. Penblwydd Hapus. Diolch.
Because that's all the proper French I know, and you guys in Quebec can go fuck your "Quebec French" just like you Americans can go fuck your American English. It's a tap, not a faucet. They broke the mould when they made Guy Lafleur, not the mold. It's aluminium, because there's no uranum, plutonum, or radum. Quit taking our rate proper European language from us.
Anyway... My point.
Being a Montreal Canadiens fan is a tough thing to be. There is a home-town expectation of the team that is deeply rooted in history that perennially puts us as a Stanley Cup favourite, even when it's clear we do not have the team to even make the playoffs. Take last season, when we got past the fancied Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins only to fall short at the horrible Boston Bruins for our chance at the Cup. The Bruins, a team coached by a fired Habs planner, featuring two ex-Habs forwards. We deserved what we got...
...and so did The Bruins. That's how you put together a Cup winner.
I watched us play the mediocre Maple Leafs last weekend, and we won, 3-1. But watching it reminded me of exactly what I don't like about modern hockey. Dumping the puck in. Grinding it out in the corners. Looking for that perfect play. Whatever happened to skating it into the zone and taking the shot? What happened to shooting the puck on net whenever you can? What happened to open ice hits? What happened to tough guys sticking up for the smaller, skilled players?
I write this off the back of a "surprise" 7-2 win over the league-leading, continuously interesting-to-watch Detroit Red Wings. It was a surprise too. With no intention of watching, I had us pinned for a 5-or-6 goal loss with us bagging one goal if we were really lucky. The Wings must've had an off-night, because the team we skated was pretty much the same god-awful set of overachieving minor-leaguers we've endured all season long. Oh, but with past-it Scott Gomez, who, to be fair, looked like the loves-playing-hockey-Gomez of Devils seasons past.
Twas a shock, I and Wings fans assure you.
The Canadiens will not make the playoffs this year. I re-read the vitriolic rants I made (on Facebook) on our 3-1 win over the Leafs on Saturday and I stand by what I said:
1) We don't have the size to compete against the top teams.
1) We don't have the size to compete against the top teams.
2) We have skilled players, but they don't know how to translate that skill around the opposing net.
3) The only players that look like they want to play for Les Canadiens are Subban and Pacioretty.
4) Price is a fantastic goalie earning a wage. He'd play exactly the same in any city and that city would never win a Cup. Whatever Pat Burns wrote to him in that letter made him a better goalie, but it didn't make him a better team player.
5) I will never love the Habs the way I did until they have a Captain I think cares about the club. And I mean PK Subban, and no one else.
This team is utter shit. Gomez is a has-been. Kostitsyn is a never-will-be. Plekanec might as well only play 20 games a season. Gill could just as well be a goalpost. Diaz, Emelin, and Weber are best suited to Hamilton still. Cole is collecting a wage because he has no one to excite him into actually showing us what he can do. Desharnais has the making of an undrafted legend, but not the intensity or apparent desire. I desperately want him to go all Theo Fleury on the ice, being an utter fucknut-psycho-asshole-you-love on the enemy, but no one's built like that any more. The rest are just bit-part players vying for an NHL job. Bourque? Too soon to tell. Markov? Buy out his contract and FFS get Shea Weber on the team whatever it costs.
5) I will never love the Habs the way I did until they have a Captain I think cares about the club. And I mean PK Subban, and no one else.
This team is utter shit. Gomez is a has-been. Kostitsyn is a never-will-be. Plekanec might as well only play 20 games a season. Gill could just as well be a goalpost. Diaz, Emelin, and Weber are best suited to Hamilton still. Cole is collecting a wage because he has no one to excite him into actually showing us what he can do. Desharnais has the making of an undrafted legend, but not the intensity or apparent desire. I desperately want him to go all Theo Fleury on the ice, being an utter fucknut-psycho-asshole-you-love on the enemy, but no one's built like that any more. The rest are just bit-part players vying for an NHL job. Bourque? Too soon to tell. Markov? Buy out his contract and FFS get Shea Weber on the team whatever it costs.
The Canadiens have a history of doing whatever it takes to get the best players, but that was always O6 or early expansion era. In this day and age, in the keenest hockey market, they take no risks at all. Just look at the list of guys they could have picked ahead of the crock of shit we have now: Ryan Getzlaf. Jeff Carter. Dustin Brown. Zach Parise. Claude Giroux. It's just depressing...
How it seems to me, as a "not proper" fan, is that we have an ownership that is intent on nothing more than keeping a historic brand in the cornerstone of its market. They know they can shift a few thousand Gomez jerseys in the first season and make some juice from it. Even when he plays worse than a fat high school kid who's discovered glue. They know the occasional obligatory Quebec draftee will have the same impact for the moronic French-speaking "hardcore".
Like it or not, for hockey to be a global phenomenon (do do de-doo-doo) teams are going to have to ditch their snobbery. O6 teams are the worst. Fact.
I love my Habs. But right now I think I'm loving the history. What I see before me is pathetic. How can I love that? Oh yeah... Because love is unconditional, when you know you're in love. Yeah...
I still love my Habs; PK as Captain or not.
As long as Pierre doesn't fucking trade away Pacioretty we're cool missing the playoffs...
I still love my Habs; PK as Captain or not.
As long as Pierre doesn't fucking trade away Pacioretty we're cool missing the playoffs...
...and saying that means I'm not a proper fan. Apparently.